How to Find a Therapist Who is a Good Fit

I believe effective therapy requires a good enough relationship with one's therapist. I write "good enough" because no one and no relationship is perfect. Everyone disappoints us from time to time.

I would recommend you consider the following factors in evaluating whether a given therapist may be a good enough fit:

1. Can the therapist explain his or her approach to therapy to you? Does it make sense? Does the theory resonate with you and seem relevant to your goals? Can the therapist give a coherent and reasonable explanation for how he or she will help? Does the therapist's approach seem to be based on at least some degree of scientific evidence?

2. Do you feel connected to and safe with the therapist?

   1. Is he or she attentive?

   2. Does the therapist help you understand what you are thinking/feeling and why?

   3. Does the therapist seem to care, to a reasonable/professional degree?

   4. Does the therapist also respect your autonomy and self-determination (versus telling you what to do)?

   5. Does the therapist seem like they can 'handle' you and your emotions? Or does the therapist seem unable to set limits or to contain your feelings?

   6. Does the therapist notice and respond to things you say of emotional importance, or do they seem to 'let it fall'?

3. Does the therapist list a reasonable amount of specialties? Or does the therapist advertise specializing in just about everything?

4. Does the therapist avoid promising results within a specific timeline?

5. Does the therapist show a sensitivity to, interest in, and humility toward your unique background and culture?

6. Is the therapist licensed? If doing telehealth, is the therapist licensed in both his or her state and yours? (Some states may have exceptions.)

7. Does the therapist attempt to understand you before deciding how to 'treat' you? Does the therapist's opinion of you, alone, matter - or is there a desire to develop a shared understanding?

8. Are you able to form a "therapeutic alliance" - a mutual connection and mutual agreement about the purpose and methods of therapy?

9. If there is a rupture in your relationship, does the therapist explore and repair it, apologizing when at fault?

Practical tips for finding a therapist include:

1. Word-of-mouth/asking friends and family

2. Asking if your doctor has a list of preferred referrals

3. Websites like PsychologyToday.com

4. Your insurance company will provide a directory of in-network therapists